Letting Go, Watching Them Soar: Parenting from a Distance

A little over 2 years ago I decided to leave behind the life and community in Texas that I’d been a part of for almost 20 years and start a new chapter over a thousand miles away in Richmond, Virginia. 

My 20-year old son was already off finding his way in the working world.  My daughter was graduating high school and ready to start her own adventure at the University of Texas in Austin, so it made sense that I would also set out for a fresh start in a new place with new people and new experiences. The town we’d lived in their whole lives had been exactly what we needed for those years, but we’d all outgrown it a little and were ready to set off for new adventures. 

While it was exciting (for all of us) it also came with some sacrifices. My kids don’t have a “home” to come back to on holidays and vacations. I don’t just get to see them on weekends and make them dinner. I don’t get to be as involved in their lives as I’ve always been, and sometimes that’s really hard. And then again they’re young adults now, and I know that as much as I love my parents, the last thing I wanted was for them to be “involved” in my life after I graduated! 

It’s hard to see my friends posting pictures of their college kids coming home and how good it feels. That’s something I gave up when I moved away.  And I am having the time of my life here, so sometimes I feel a little guilty that I’m not around if they want to come home for the weekend to do laundry. 

But then I remind myself that I did a pretty good job growing them up to be the young adults that they are, and if I’m going to let them become the incredible people that they were put on this earth to be, then I need to give them the space and freedom to do that, without saving them or always being available or needing to give them advice about everything. And that’s actually a lot easier to do from a thousand miles away. 

So while I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t know everything they’re up to, I also recognize that’s not my job anymore. They are growing into the incredible humans they are, not because of me, but because they have room to be themselves. 

I still love it when my daughter sends me a draft email to a professor that she wants my edits on, or when my son calls me to tell me about a sale he just made. But I also know they send lots of emails and make lots of sales that I’ll never hear about. That makes me a little teary, but it also reassures me that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.

Watching them become who they’re meant to be is the absolute joy of my life. Even better than all the years I got to spend with them under my roof. And I hope that watching me live the life I’m meant to live inspires them, too. 

I hope my experiences remind you that even when it feels like it, you're never alone. I'm right there with you, using and sharing all the resources I have to navigate through life as gracefully as possible. ❤️